• Podcast
  • ARL
    • Indigenous All Stars v NRL All Stars
    • Rugby League State Of Origin
  • NRL
    • 2025 NRL Draw
    • 2024 NRL Draw
    • 2023 NRL Draw
    • 2022 NRL Draw
    • 2021 NRL Draw
    • 2022 NRL Podcast
    • 2020 NRL Draw
    • 2015 NRL Draw
    • 2014 NRL Draw
  • ESL
    • International Origin
    • Challenge Cup
  • World
    • World Club Challenge
    • World Cup
    • Rugby League 9’s
    • NRL Auckland Nines Draw
  • Sports
    • AFL
    • Cricket
    • Rugby Union
    • Soccer
  • Guest Writers
  • League Freak
    • NRL Tipping Experts
    • Web Site News
    • Sponsorship
    • Uncategorized

The Glorious League Freak – Covering Rugby League World Wide – LeagueFreak.com

  • Home
  • Podcast
  • NRL Rumours
  • RL World 9’s
  • Features
    • Player Profiles And News
  • History
    • History Books
    • The Super League War
      • The Super League War – The Clubs
      • The Super League War – The Freak
      • The Super League War – The Extras
  • Quotes
  • Look-Alikes
  • Teams
  • Rankings
  • Media
  • About
    • Bio
    • League Freaks Commentary Career
    • Contact
    • League Freak On Twitter
    • I Am Not A Journalist
    • Contribute To LeagueFreak.com
    • League Freak Mentions In The Media
    • Advertise On This Website
    • Rugby League RSS Feed
  • follow
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Google+
    • RSS Feed
    • Linked
    • Youtube

League Freak Hands Out His Christmas Gifts

Dec 24, 2011 League Freak Uncategorized 0


Well its that time of the year again when Santa going on the worlds largest break and enter spree. We don’t mind it because he leaves presents.

Now, Santa spends all year making a list. Then, he checks it twice. He want to find out who’s naughty and who is nice. Personally, I think the second one is less important than the first, but what ever dude. This is your party!

I also have made a list. I was going to check it twice but I have far more important things to do with my time (Porn).

So, who made my list and what did I decide to get them for Christmas?

Lets find out!

Benji Marshall – A KFC Voucher
No one actually goes inside a KFC, they all use the drive through. So he could go to KFC at all hours and no one would hassle him.

Wayne Bennett – A Personal Assistant
Because taking on the coaching role at the Newcastle Knights gave him the biggest coaching challenge out there. How is he supposed to coach the side AND carry his wallet?

Dennis Fitzgerald – Glen 20
He was voted out of his place at the Parramatta Eels and ever since then he has hung around like a bad smell. He needs to move on. Get a hobby or something!

Jason Ryles – A Ball Of String
What else would you get a big pussy?

George Riley – A Tounge Scraper
The BBC’s Rugby League blogger needs one of these with all the constant arse licking he does.

Josh Dugan – A 1991 Holden Commodore
He is the biggest bogan in the NRL and this has to be the car that is the top choice for all bogans. He could use it to drive to the doctor to get his boils lanced!

Craig Bellemy – A Sound Proof Booth
That way when he is watching the game Keiron Walters want have to put up with him yelling like an insufferable prick.

James Maloney – A 12 Month Coma
Just put him to sleep and when he wakes up again, he is a Sydney Rooster. That all he wants damn it!

Brad Fittler – Reigns 
When he stopped being so guarded and spoke his mind, it was refreshing. His honesty about players and his own career was fantastic. Then, he just started to sound dumb. Really, really dumb. He needs to pull it back a bit.

Jamie Peacock – A Walking Frame
Aside from his speech impediment I’m told Peacock didn’t fit in all that well with his younger England team mates. Especially when he started handing out boiled candy and talking about the blitz.

Joel Monaghan – Shmackos
What, you think he taught a dog to blow him just by saying “good boy”?

Mitchell Pearce – A High Visibility Jacket
OK, OK, this is kinda for all our benefit. Thing is, when ever there is a big game to be played, he goes missing. At least this way we would be able to see where he is on the field when he is having no impact at all.

Danny Weidler – Lubricant And A Shoehorn
I figure he could use one when he is trying to get his head out of Anthony Mundines arse.

Jamie Soward – A Halfback
This poor young bloke plays on a team that loved to choke, and along side him is Ben Hornby who is the most useless fucking player in the competition. A complete passenger!

John Cartwright – A Glass Elevator
Ever since he received a Golden Ticket from the Gold Coast Titans to coach them until he is in his 80’s, he might as well just complete the whole puzzle.

Jarryd Hayne – The Holy Bible
That way he can read it and try and find the part where God asks you to have over a percentage of your income.

James Graham – Sunscreen
Fat Prince Harry will be playing for the Bulldogs this year and the pasty bastard is going to need a case of 50+ if he isn’t going to look like a dopey pommy lobster.

Todd Carney – A Billion Dollar Contract
It has a clause in it that says if he drinks alcohol I don’t have to pay him anything. My money is so safe…

Michael Maguire – A Halfback
Seen as South Sydney CEO Shane Richardson managed to allow one of the best young halfbacks in the game leave, and then came to the conclusion that a modern day Rugby League team doesn’t need a halfback, I thought I’d help out poor Michael out, who got off the plane from Wigan only to realize the 2012 season is fucked before it even started.

Chris Sandow – A Night In The High Rollers Room At The Casino In Sydney
The poor fucker was made out to be some type of gambling addict this year, all because he decided to take a very good offer from the Parramatta Eels that South Sydney refused to match. So I say we give him a big night at the Casino. He deserves it!

Mal Meninga – A Time Delay
Granted he is a Queenslander so he is already working a bit slower than the rest of us. Still, a time delay of say 24 hours between an idea that pops into his head and the moment he can actually put those thoughts into words would be pretty handy.

Sam Tomkins – Smoke Flares
He could shoot them into the sky just so we know he is on the field when he is playing against anyone higher than a semi professional level player.

David Williams – A Plank
Why? Well a plank spends less time laid out than Williams does.

David Gallop – An Electrified Dog Collar
No, no, its not for Dave himself. It is to whack around Phil Gould neck so that every time Gus goes to say something he can press a button and 50,000 volts will render Gus’ voice box unusable.

Phil Gould – Whiskey
Would you want to run a club that has a bastard like me watching over it? No, neither would I! Gus is going to need to sit back some nights and knock back a few drinks just to remember not to take things too seriously.

Cameron Smith – Laser Hair Removal
He’s the only person in the world that can make Robin Williams look up from a line of cocaine and say “Woooooow, that man is one hairy bastard!”. He wakes up on a morning, has a shave and is already sporting a 5 o’clock shadow by breakfast. So lets just sort this out for him once and for all. burn every single hair follicle on his entire body!

Sonny Bill Williams – A New Zealand Heavyweight Title Belt
Just hand one to him. Seriously, when was the last time a heavyweight title in New Zealand, Australia or in any country for that matter actually meant something worthwhile? Hell even the World Heavyweight Title doesn’t mean much these days. So here you go Sonny, you have your pretty little belt. It makes you special, really, really special…

Willie Mason – A Time Machine
Willie Mason is looking to come back to the NRL and leave a legacy. Oh, too late! Sure it is difficult when you are an athlete, you’re marching towards your mid 30’s, you’ve been irrelevant for a number of years and your reputation is mud. Still, the idea that being a fringe first grader on a team that’s obviously desperate will turn all that around is not well thought out. So, to reverse all the damage don’t to his career and reputation, fire up the Flux Capacitor!

On Twitter I asked my followers what they would get me for Christmas. Here are their replies:

dannymac7411 “a glorious meter coz yours is clearly fucked!”

Sherms_5 “So, what would you get The Glorious League Freak for Christmas?” I’ll chip in a few $$$ so you can get laid”

ms_meh “I’d give a good, long, intense…. oiling… for your joints..”

Bella55555 “A rubber blow up doll holding a football….!”

sexyand_iknowit “a bender flesh light”

Bondiborn “A temporary #unfollow from me? #peaceandgoodwill”

Amul82 “English flag printed toilet paper..”

parrasteve “a vagina”

TheChapo82 “a female miss league freak”

ChrisTweetsGood “A seat on the Independent Commission”

stormgwsrule1 “Manners”

DibsXIII “Manners and spanners. Gob stoppers. Straight jacket. A brain (to sometimes engage before speaking) ;o)”

anna2533 “Flap curlers.”

bunnies1612 “WD40…”

KerryPerry1 “id buy you a robotic version of me… so you can do what you want but there is in “off” switch on my back for some peace”

KerryPerry1 “id buy you a Wayne Rooney calendar so every month you can see someone uglier than you and think “im fuckin hot””

KerryPerry1 “oooh and for your stocking fillers- invisible condoms (enough said), spy camera you can put anywhere and a willy warmer (XS)”

_REDnWHITE_Mojo “of course it would be foxtel sports package #neverWalkalone”

mattXIII “a terraced house in Salford.”

danbissett76 “A 2012 season ticket for Bradford Bulls on the steep open terraces”

Davros313 “An induction into the England RFL Hall of Fame!!!”

  • Tweet
  • Share 0
  • Reddit
  • Pocket
  • LinkedIn 0
  • Email

Related


  • Benji Marshall, Brad Fittler, Cameron Smith, Christmas, Craig Bellamy, Danny Weidler, David Gallop, David Williams, Denis Fitzgerald, George Riley, James Graham, James Maloney, Jamie Peacock, Jamie Soward, Jarryd Hayne, Jason Ryles, Joel Monaghan, John Cratwright, Josh Dugan, League Freak, Mal Meninga, Michael Maguire, Mitchell Pearce, Phil Gould, Sam Tomkins, Sonny Bill Williams, Twitter, Wayne Bennett, Willie Mason
  • tweet
So What The Hell Happened To LeagueFreak.com? Adam Everitt: Hetherington Stabs England In The Back In Favour Of Personal Gain

League Freak

A well known Rugby League writer, League Freak has established a reputation among supporters of the game for his fearless commentary and unmatched insight. With a reach that spans both sides of the globe, League Freak has produced an independent network that allows him to distribute content to his many thousands of followers. He is the owner and main author of LeagueFreak.com

Related articles
  • NRL Podcast: “Potential Profit In The Profit Sense Of The Word”
    NRL Podcast: “Potential Profit In...

    May 28, 2023 0

  • NRL Podcast: A Plethora Of Stupid Ideas
    NRL Podcast: A Plethora Of Stupid Ideas

    Apr 20, 2023 0

  • NRL Podcast: Casting An Eye Over All 17 NRL Teams Right Now
    NRL Podcast: Casting An Eye Over All 17...

    Apr 17, 2023 0


You must log in to post a comment.

League Freaks Social Network

Follow League Freak on:

Become a Patron!

Ziad Warwar
Nadine
Coojee
Adam
Andy
jamescunni
Lisa
Rugby League Project
Karsten Brumme
Samuel
Sandy
Katey
Jack
Terry
Gibbo

RSS Fergo and The Freak Podcast

  • "Potential Profit In The Profit Sense Of The Word"
  • Bonus Episode: IMG Changing The English Game, A Coaching Change At The Dragons
  • France No Longer Hosting The 2025 Rugby League World Cup
  • What Does WAP Stand For?
  • Dylbags With Julie
  • A Plethora Of Stupid Ideas
  • Casting An Eye Over All 17 NRL Teams Right Now
  • Venting About The Wests Tigers
  • The Prodigal Son Returns!
  • There's Quite A Bit To Talk About In Rugby League Today!
  • The 2023 NRL Season Preview
  • The First #AskKenty Of 2023
  • League Freak HUMILIATED As St Helens Beat Penrith To Win The World Club Challenge
  • Street Food In Castleford And The Patron Saint Of Divorce
  • We Will Learn A Lot This Season

Polls

In The On Field Quality Of Super League Games Getting Better Or Worse?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...
  • Polls Archive

Latest Rugby League Articles

  • Playing NRL Games In Las Vegas Makes No Sense At All
    Playing NRL Games In Las Vegas Makes No Sense At All

    Jun 04, 2023 0

  • When Will State Of Origin Stars Get To Play International Football Again?
    When Will State Of Origin Stars Get To Play International...

    May 30, 2023 0

  • Latrell Mitchell Ruled Out Of State Of Origin One
    Latrell Mitchell Ruled Out Of State Of Origin One

    May 29, 2023 0

  • NRL Podcast: “Potential Profit In The Profit Sense Of The Word”
    NRL Podcast: “Potential Profit In The Profit Sense Of...

    May 28, 2023 0

  • The 2022 World Cup Legacy Feels A Lot Like The 2000 World Cup Legacy
    The 2022 World Cup Legacy Feels A Lot Like The 2000 World...

    May 26, 2023 0

Follow League Freak on Twitter

My Tweets

Tags

Andrew Ferguson (379) ARL (62) Australia (159) Benji Marshall (90) Billy Slater (78) Broadcasting Deal (68) Cameron Smith (60) Channel 9 (74) Daniel Nichols (122) Disgrace (77) Eligibility Rules (64) England (143) Expansion (86) Fergo And The Freak (470) Greg Inglis (100) Guest Writer (338) Israel Folau (71) Jarryd Hayne (78) Johnathan Thurston (82) League Freak (541) Leeds Rhinos (59) Marketing (67) Matthew Elliott (71) Mitchell Pearce (64) New South Wales (107) New Zealand (143) NRL Finals (63) NRL Salary Cap (96) Paul Gallen (64) Phil Gould (59) Player Movement (132) Podcast (494) Queensland (84) Referees (78) RFL (144) Rugby League History (78) Rugby Union (209) Sam Burgess (63) Sonny Bill Williams (91) State Of Origin (182) St Helens (69) Todd Carney (62) Wayne Bennett (83) Wigan (59) World Cup (184)
As featured on NewsNow: NRL newsNRL News 24/7

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

Blogroll

  • The Glorious League Freak.
  • League Freak on Twitter
  • League Freak on Facebook
  • Rugby League Podcasting Network
  • NRL Breaking News
  • NRL Rumours
  • RLWorld9s.com

Facebook Pages

  • NRL Gossip
  • NRL Infinite

Features

  • King Of Rugby League
  • Rugby League Look-Alikes
  • Biggest Winning Margins In Rugby League History
  • Biggest Crowds In Rugby League History
  • Rugby League Quotes
  • Rugby League Dictionary
  • The Super League War
  • The New Zealand Haka
  • Funny Rugby League Teams
  • Rugby League Rankins Lists
  • NRL Rumours
  • IHateRugbyUnion.com
  • NRL History
  • NRL History Books
  • Record Books
  • Player Profiles

NBA Links

  • NBA Rookie Of The Year
  • NBA MVP Winner List
  • NBA Finals MVPs

Other Links

  • Submit Your Australian Blog
  • Best Junk Hauling Virginia
  • Gutter Cleaning Service Virginia
  • Best Lawn Mowing Service Virginia
  • 2020 NRL Draw
  • Hot Toys Australia

Other Sports

  • Clutch Fans
  • Sportette

Players

  • Cameron Smith
  • Kalyn Ponga
  • Sonny Bill Williams
  • Jarryd Hayne
  • Andrew Johns
  • Semi Radradra
  • Sam Burgess
  • Benji Marshall
  • James Tedesco
  • Cooper Cronk
  • Johnathan Thurston
  • Anthony Mundine
  • Sam Tomkins
  • Greg Inglis
  • Jamie Peacock
  • Ntahan Cleary

Rugby League

  • Rugby League Project
  • Era Of The Biff
  • Darryl's Rugby League
  • Jamie Lyon Web
  • Rugby League Review
  • Rugby League Ratings
  • NRL CEO Fantasy League
  • QLD Panthers
  • Andrew Ferguson's Website!
  • Black Swans RLFC
  • InternationalRL
  • 2021 Rugby League World Cup
  • Rugby League Mums
  • Player Profiles
  • 2024 NRL Draw
  • Watch NRL Games Online
  • NRL Tipping Experts

Rugby League Podcast

  • Best Rugby League Podcast
  • Best NRL Podcast
  • Best Super League Podcast
  • Best Australian Podcast
  • Best Sports Podcast
  • Funniest Podcast
  • Best Comedy Podcast
  • NRL Radio
  • 2021 NRL Podcast
  • Spotify NRL Podcasts
Google+
  • National Rugby League
  • Rugby League State Of Origin
  • Brisbane Broncos
  • Canberra Raiders
  • Canterbury Bulldogs
  • Cronulla Sharks
  • Gold Coast Titans
  • Manly Sea Eagles
  • Melbourne Storm
  • The 2029 Rugby League World Cup
  • New Zealand Warriors
  • Newcastle Knights
  • North Queensland Cowboys
  • Parramatta Eels
  • Penrith Panthers
  • Redcliffe Dolphins
  • South Sydney Rabbitohs
  • St George/Illawarra Dragons
  • Sydney Roosters
  • Wests Tigers
  • The King Of Rugby League Awards
  • Rugby League Player Profiles And News
  • Fantasy Rugby League Teams
  • Rugby League World Rankings
  • Rugby League Look-Alikes
  • International Rugby League News
  • National Rugby League
  • European Super League News
  • Featured Guest Writers
  • Other Sports
  • The 2021 NRL Draw
  • The 2022 NRL Draw – Every NRL Game Listed For You!!!
  • The 2023 NRL Draw – Every NRL Game Is Here!!!
  • 2024 NRL Draw
  • NRL Player Profiles
  • NRL Instagram
  • The 2025 NRL Draw – Every Game, Every Venue, Every Club!
  • NRL Tipping Experts
  • Advertise On LeagueFreak.com
  • About LeagueFreak.com
  • Contact Us
  • RSS Feed
  • NothingButLeague.com
  • Rugby League Podcasting Network
  • NRL Breaking News
  • NRL Rumours – Latest NRL Rumours
  • NRL Podcast
  • Super League Podcast
  • Rugby League Podcast
  • Here Is The Cure For COVID 19
  • 2022 NRL Grand Final Tickets
  • Click Here To Buy State Of Origin Tickets
  • Buy NRL Tickets – Where To Buy Tickets To Rugby League Games
  • Watch NRL Games Online In 2022 – Where To Watch NRL Games Online And Streaming
Copyright LeagueFreak.com 2022 / All rights reserved
  • Advertise On LeagueFreak.com
  • About LeagueFreak.com
  • Contact Us
  • RSS Feed
  • NothingButLeague.com
  • Rugby League Podcasting Network
  • NRL Breaking News
  • NRL Rumours – Latest NRL Rumours
  • NRL Podcast
  • Super League Podcast
  • Rugby League Podcast
  • Here Is The Cure For COVID 19
  • 2022 NRL Grand Final Tickets
  • Click Here To Buy State Of Origin Tickets
  • Buy NRL Tickets – Where To Buy Tickets To Rugby League Games
  • Watch NRL Games Online In 2022 – Where To Watch NRL Games Online And Streaming