I Think I’ve Found The Dumbest Player In The National Rugby League

Stupidity is a curse that no one asks for. It is a weight that one carries through their entire life.

Footballers tend to get a reputation for being stupid. That can unfair in some instances as we have a lot of intelligent players in the game these days. Many run businesses and some excel in careers outside of football.

There is the other side of that though. For the numerous success stories the game can boast, you have players who, quite honestly, are as dumb as a lump of shit.

Intelligence and talent do not go hand in hand. That means you can have some really stupid players earning a lot of money.

In my time following the game I’ve seen evidence of this, but I think today I have reached the pinnacle of stupidity in a footballer.

Cronulla Sharks winger, Blake Ferguson, is looking for a new club. He apparently has four clubs chasing his signature. Thats great!

Blake Ferguson’s manager is Solomon Haumono.

Let me take you back to Solomon Haumono’s career…

Haumono was just starting to build a great career as an impact player. He was going places. Then one day, he got up and (This will all sound very familiar) flew out of the country, chasing a girl called Gabrielle Richens, otherwise know as “The Pleasure Machine”.

I see where he was going with this!

Haumono’s quest for love was backed by his good friend, surprise, surprise, Anthony Mundine, who become the first player to one day decide to fly out of the country with no notice to pursue his dream of fighting pub brawlers and geriatrics while pretending to be a boxer.

Alas, for poor old Solomon, things didn’t quite work out as expected. Having trashed his promising football career, Richens wasn’t interested in getting back with him. In an ironic twist, she made her way back to Australia and, on the back of the publicity Haumono’s departure had generated, made a tidy little media career for herself for a while there (Goodle her name and thank me after the cleanup!).

Left with a shattered football career, Solomon Haumono sought advice from one Anthony Mundine and, once again and in a shocking turn of events, he found himself fighting on the under card of Mundines early bouts!

This all sounds familiar eh bro!

Now Solomon was like most football players turned boxers. He could throw a devastating punch, but he needed the right opponent for it. He did pretty well for a while too, and is even a ranked Australian heavy weight boxer to this day, ranking two places above former NRL player John Hopoate and three places above 44 year old Bob Mirovic!

Having said all that, boxing isn’t much of a career in Australia unless you are a load mouth racist show pony, or the guy that everyone wants to punch that guys head in.

So from a promising football career, Solomon Haumono become something of a side note.

With that crazy story in mind…

What in gods name would prompt any person in their right mind to decide to put their career in the hands of Solomon Haumono?

I mean, come on, this is like leaving your wallet and pin number with Bernard Madoff, leaving your kids with Josef Fritzl or letting this man coach your favorite team:

“I fuck shit up!”

Can you imagine what these four NRL clubs are thinking when they have to sit down and talk contract details with Solomon Haumono? “Yes Solomon, we’ll provide him with a jersey AND socks for every single game!”.

I can not think of a more ridiculous person to choose to help guide your football career then a bloke who completely trashed his own!

So to Cronulla Sharks fans, who I know are hurting over a lot of things this season, just let this kid go and be happy he’s gone.

Sometimes a player is worth holding on to, other times he’s not. Then there is the rare case when you are just waiting for a call from the airport at 6am on a Tuesday morning…

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