To those fortunate enough to be apathetic about the final outcomes of NRL games, I would like you to do something for me. Please chug a foaming schooner of H2O from the Ganges and then embark on a seven-day pushbike ride across the desert without any Alka-Seltzer or Imodium. Make sure you’re wedgied from head-to-toe…
Superintendent Rooster Trent Robinson has harnessed one of league’s great uncontrollables and guaranteed his side a more favourable deal in next weekend’s penalty count. After winning only six infraction contests in his dux year of 2013 and being mercilessly lashed again so far this season, Robinson broke the emergency glass to stop the rot in…
As the novelty of America’s favourite pastime reverbs around the Harbour City, we must take time to reflect on the more important facts we have uncovered from the game’s visit to town. Undoubtedly, what follows was identified as the most stunning discovery. Did you know there have been over 100 movies made about baseball? It’s…
Craig Bellamy has constructed his lofty reputation by producing country club lobster from Burger King yield. The Storm maestro has a sharp eye for the discarded, neglected and misunderstood orphans of the rugby league streets. He spots them through the cold night sky and takes them in with a base contract and a hug before…
In an exclusive, League Freak’s news department can reveal that the Rugby League Players Association has identified contractual agreements between clubs and their players as the biggest threat to footballer’s rights in the modern era. Whilst acknowledging that player burnout, pharmacological experimentation and wet balls are all definitely on the association’s radar as pertinent issues,…
The autopsies have wrapped up. Wally Lewis has induced some sedatives. We’ve allowed enough time for a Mal Meninga piece about rodents and grime. That means the emotional dust has officially settled on State of Origin 2013 and it’s time for the sensible wash-up from the straight-thinking public. Canvassing y’all intelligent realists, I’m hearing the…
After another episode of num-nutted naughtiness, the flavour of empathy tastes of nothing but lime splice. The majority of the rugby league community feel really sorry for the Canberra Raiders footy club. After a period of being disrespectfully whipped by a couple of Gen Y bad eggs, the public has flooded forums and airwaves with…
Cooper Cronk is usually a padlocked clam when it comes to media exposure, but this week he gave us an insight in to how his finely-programmed computer brain operates when it comes to kicking critical field goals in the popular games of footy and life. Now in a League Freak exclusive, his cut-price firewall has…
Today the Wests Tigers faithful are rejoicing in the fact that their team has finally located a pulse. It may be waterlogged, but it’s beating. The process wasn’t pretty, but last night at Leichhardt Oval they eventually emerged from the mud wrestle on top of the Cowboys in a sodden contest that involved some fortuitous…
Wowsers. What a collector’s item of sparkling goal kicking from Luke Walsh last night! The Penrith halfback’s spotless 11 from 11 was a magnificent showcase of accuracy from sideline to sideline, not to mention a perfect accompaniment to the razzle dazzle being served up by the Panthers on the CUA turf against a porous Warriors…
In an exclusive, League Freak has obtained a copy of an email that proves the decision by Matt Cecchin to send-off Jared Waerea-Hargreaves against Manly on Monday night may have been the pre-conceived actions of a raving madman that were inspired by a directive from above. The email, sent on Sunday from senior official Shayne…
In the interests of perpetuating the stereotype of rugby league’s fickle water cooler, where memories are short, determinations are rash and a week is a long time, I’m going on the record today by saying the Bulldogs are back, baby! For those reasonable and sensible who don’t exaggerate whilst canvassing over a plastic cup, this…
After broadcasting 45 grueling years of steamy side-glances from bush league thespians, Channel Nine has made a major alteration to sick day protocol by cancelling the daily screening of worshiped soap Days of our Lives. Unconfirmed reports from nameless sources say that CEO David Gyngell had grown tired of the program’s suffering standards, so he decided to allow his…
Despite some distasteful trash talking at the scrum base and some disobedient novelty Steedens, another coat of restoration polish was applied to St George Illawarra on Sunday thanks to a blue-collar negation of the Wests Tigers. Now with three straight wins, the famous Red V jersey is once again returning to being more palatable as…
Monday night saw the banality of the universe maintained with another two competition points to the Melbourne Storm, a result which took the club to a record-equalling 13th consecutive win. Yes siree, 2013 so far has been enterprise as usual for Craig Bellamy and his cartel of systemised androids. Death, taxes, yada yada yada. Like…
New South Wales, we need a Todd Carney contingency plan. It seems a rambunctious youth of whiskey and lead-footing combined with the rusting capabilities of the Shire’s ocean air is slowly beginning to render his body brittle and unreliable. Right now, our incumbent five-eighth is sidelined with a busted ankle that will keep him out…
From the point of view of a card carrying pessimist such as myself, the major talking point from last weekend’s round of NRL will not be the glorious half-ton that my re-tootled Roosters poured on to the outstripped Eels at Allianz Stadium on Monday night. Inside my cynical headspace, this titillating 80 minutes of tri-coloured…
The start of the NRL season is supposed to be a spectacular detonation of exhilaration and engrossment that results from the combination of various beefs from both on-field and off. With most players clearly on horse drugs, explosive knee-jerk sackings at administration level and indecisive young men everywhere struggling to keep their word on contract…
The City of Sydney. Much like the other filthy and overpopulated municipalities of this earth, it has always had its fair share of the faceless melancholia and alienated futility that any confined human-squash is famous for. However of late, one locale of ye olde convict hub is bluer than it’s ever been, and to pinpoint…
Ian Schubert, the NRL’s salary cap chaperone, has had some devilishly intricate contracts to review over the years. However, there is one from a different kettle of fish and loaves that stretches his abilities more than most, and with Israel Folau’s return to the land of league imminent, he’s about to tussle with its particulars…
The great game of rugby league, saturated in rich heritage and underpinned with a revered history, will forever find itself jousting with the feisty and youthful beast of progression. The sport has been constantly churned through the stamping press of time and subsequently embossed with evolutions like video technology, floodlit night games, convoys of on-field…
My oval-shaped pigskin heart almost flat-lined on the weekend thanks to a Sabbath sans rugby league, but with the aid of an unheralded sliver of light that poked through the vile post-season darkness, I was able to survive and tell my tale today. The saviour smelt like oil and bourbon and aggressively attacked my ear…
Two battle-dusty sheriffs stand at opposite ends of the ANZ corral in the Wild West, wearily upright among piles of the steaming fallen as the only remaining gunslingers from a drawn-out bloody battle carried out over 1 score and 6 rounds. And a couple of finals. Both wear an engulfing tattoo of strain on their…
Rugby League applies a weakening choke-hold to news outlets on grand final week as it provides only a solitary game’s worth of inspiration to the poor souls empowered to lay literary bricks in column space. It is no more apparent in 2012’s decider with lonesome crickets chirping in the judiciary room at NRL base camp…