It’s true. I was there. I saw it all. Call me a witness. Call me a fly on the wall. Call me maybe. It doesn’t matter because I was there.
So we all walked into a large room with a round white table in the middle of it. Around it sat all the bad guys, the ones that were in on the conspiracy. Joining them were the referees, touch judges, broadcasters, club CEO’s, people who run newspapers, ASADA..basically everyone that was in on the conspiracy.
Ricky Stuarts overhead projector was rolled out and up on the screen it was all laid out. I mean, every last detail of this conspiracy was there for all to see.
One of the main faceless leaders of this conspiracy stood up and explain it all…
“What we are trying to achieve is an all Sydney Grand Final. To do this we will need to destroy the season of a number of teams who we don’t want to see make it too far and get in the way of our goals. We can’t promise that everything will go to plan, but we will do our best to make the ideal outcome for us happen.”
Over the next half an hour things were explained further. Ricky Stuart to a young and improving Canberra team. ASADA continuing to crush the Sharks for no good reason at all. Nathan Tinkler not paying his ageing Knights players. Taking over the a Titans and sacking the coach. Peter Doust. Robbie Farah. That ball boy. The only hiccup seemed to be the moment Matthew Elliott was sacked. What were the Warriors thinking? Didn’t they get the memo?
That left us with 8 teams making the finals series.
The Broncos would play the Cowboys which would eliminate one Queensland based team. When asked why we would be getting rid of a Queensland team when their involvement in the Grand Final would guarantee huge television ratings and improve the bottom line, someone was told “Because that is the plan. You need to believe in the plan!”.
The Storm were to be eliminated with help from the referees. They would apply the rules of the game in specific instances to ensure the Bulldogs would make it through. Easy enough.
The Panthers come back performance against the Roosters….all staged. The Roosters didn’t want the week off this season. As for the Rabbitohs belting Manly, let’s just say there would have been a battle worthy of the colosseum in the room had that not been planned out in advance!
At this point the stakes would get raised. We were close to having the all Sydney Grand Final we wanted, but there was a lot more work to do…
Though suspensions, Manly were to be weakened against the Bulldogs. Then, at a critical moment, a referee was to throw himself in front of a kick to give the Bulldogs another set of six. A player was to be sin binned but that was more for the appearance of impartiality than anything else.
To stop the Cowboys was going to take a masterpiece. Help the Roosters get away to a lead that has never been overcome in the history of finals football. Then, the Cowboys would be helped back into the game, tying it up. A penalty would allow the Roosters to get into good field position to kick a field goal, and then the best part… The game winning try by the Cowboys was to be sent to the video referee and not enough evidence would be found to overturn the touch judges decision that there was a knock on. Brilliant! Everyone in the room nodded their heads in agreement.
That left us with four Sydney clubs, and now it was time to announce who would play in the Grand Final, and more importantly, who would win it!
However….you weren’t there. I can’t tell you everything. I’m in a privileged position. You see, I am also in on the conspiracy.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because the best way to deny a conspiracy is to expose it! Have someone revealed the entire plot in every detail and then you can just deny everything anyway.
We are very good at what we do.
So, that is the conspiracy. That is the grand plan that has been in place all season. Now do you understand why your team didn’t win every single game? Did I make it clear that your team was unbeatable, but it never had a chance against our grand vision for what we wanted?
Now excuse me, I need to put on my favourite tin foil hat and do all the acid…..