Who The Fuck Decided To Get Kelly Fucking Clarkson For The NRL Grand Final?

Sep 24, 2011 League Freak National Rugby League 0

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It is like something out of a comedy sketch.

For some reason in this country, sporting competitions see their major game entertainment as some type of pissing contest. Its almost as though the actual entertainment value of an act is not really of any relevance, its more the size of the name that the act carries. As if them being paid to turn up and sing a couple of songs legitimizes the entire sport.

In the past the NRL has tossed up some shockers.

Billy Idol’s non performance was the stuff of legend. What made it all even more ridiculous is that it didn’t happen in 1983 when he was actually popular.

James Blunt singing his limp wristed, weak as piss songs was also terrible. Lets all get pumped up for a gladiatorial sport by listening to a dude practically crying because some bitch cant stand his effeminate shit any more and left him!

This year though, I think we have gone somewhere really special. Take it away NRL:

The NRL has scored a major coup with international singing sensation Kelly Clarkson today announced as the headline entertainment act for the Telstra Premiership Grand Final at ANZ Stadium on Sunday, October 2.

America’s first ‘Idol’, now a recording superstar who has sold over 23 million albums and 36 million singles, Kelly Clarkson will perform her new single, “Mr Know It All” as the main act of the pre-game show.

“I’m so excited to be returning to Australia to perform my new single ‘Mr Know It All’ at the NRL Grand Final next weekend,” Kelly said.

“Australia was the very first country I visited after my win back in 2003, and I performed at the Grand Final that year, so it will be interesting to see if I can remember the rules of the game.”

Kelly Fucking Clarkson!

Who the hell was it at the NRL that thought this was a great idea? Worst of all, someone said “You know what, yeah, yeah….I’m digging this! What a great idea you’ve just had!”.

Its almost as though some old fart in the NRL’s marketing department was stuck for an idea. So, they called up their 27 year old daughter while she was at works and said “Hi, its Daddy. Quick, tell me one of the big name singers that’s really good!” and the daughter said “Geez, I don’t know, Kelly Clarkson?” because that’s what she used to listen to when she was a teenager!

Let us also think of the demographic here for a second.

Now, Rugby League fans are from all walks of life, but one thing we all have in common is that we like to watch 26 dudes beat the hell out of each other as they advance a synthetic, oval shaped ball up a grass field.

That shit gets us off!

Do you offer that demographic Kelly Fucking Clarkson? Hell, Jeremy Clarkson singing at the Grand Final would be more relevant! I bet the Top Gear Driving Songs CD sold more than Kelly Fucking Clarkson’s last album which was probably titled “Its This Or Flipping Burgers”!

Think about when Kelly Clarkson might have been a relevant singer for the NRL to target and everything that has happened since then, which was 2003.

The Panthers were the Premiers in 2003. This web site didn’t even exist! Twitter didn’t exist! Apple making mobile phones? Get the fuck out of here! Whats Facebook? Gold Coast Titans? A female Ranga as the Australian Prime Minister! This is insane!

Look, its pretty clear that someone at the NRL should be fired for this.

I personally don’t give two stuffs about pre game entertainment. For the most part its boring and no one pays any attention to it anyway. For all of the big games I’ve attended, the only pre game entertainment I remember was for the kickoff to the 2008 World Cup, which was short, sweet, and pretty well done overall.

However, in a game that is currently running on the bare bones of its arse because of its under funded broadcasting deals, to think that the NRL will be spending money to have Kelly Fucking Clarkson bore the ever loving shit out of 83,000 fans is fricken insane!

I am sick to death of the NRL, in conjunction with our prick friends at Channel 9, offering us up the latest mind numbing “artist” out of their Sony Music catalog!

What the hell have we done to have to put up with watching a fat girl who won a signing contest in 2003 trying her best to keep off the unemployment line? Is it really that difficult to get an act out there to just walk out, get the crowd going and then piss off in time for the game to start?

Can’t we drag Jimmy Barnes bloated, alcohol fueled corpse out of the pub to bash out a few tunes? I don’t want an “artist”. I want some dude who is probably high on drugs to walk out, thrash an axe, get me pumped and then watch a game of football.

Is that too much to ask?

Still I guess it could be worse.

We could have the privileged of watching Meatloaf have another public mental break down as he does fat breathing into a microphone…

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• Channel 9, Idiots, NRL Grand Final

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