There is nothing better than turning up to an NRL game only to find yourself being preached at because you are in the middle of another theme round. Theme rounds are a pain and rarely have anything to do with Rugby League itself.
So why doesn’t the NRL have theme rounds that actually celebrate parts of the game we love and hate?
1. Where Are They Now Round
To kick off each NRL season fans of the game get to actually see where all of the players who moved on during the off season ended up!
2. March Premiership Winners Round
A round dedicated to the St George/Illawarra Dragons and Sydney Roosters who take turns in being crowned premiers at this time of the year.
3. Silent Women In League Round
This is a round dedicated to women who we celebrate in Rugby League until such time as an allegation is made against a Rugby League player. At that point, I’m sorry to say ladies, you are fed to the wolves in the media as they tear your personal life apart. Meanwhile the player involved starts saving puppy dogs and feeds sick orphans, all while your reputation is trashed without a second thought. Still, buy a white ribbon… (In case you didn’t realise, I’m pretty angry about how this happens)
4. The Matthew Elliott Sack Your Coach Round
For those teams who already understand that their entire season is a write off!
5. The RSPCA Round
Where the game celebrates its unique relationship with animals. Mostly having sex with them.
6. The Human Waste Round
The game celebrates moments in which both urine and poo played a part in shaping the season of many a club. From Julian O’Neill taking a dumb in Jeremy Schloss’ shoes, to Nate Myles having an explosive moments in a hotel fire escape. The weekend culminates in Todd Carney bubbler Sunday.
7. Cronulla Sharks Implosion Round
We celebrate the Cronulla Sharks unique ability to completely destroy themselves without the need of any outside help at all.
8. Concussion Round
Where all the former “hard men” of the game realise that they can earn a quid making speeches about how concussion affects their mental capacity. All of them were of course brain surgeons before they played Rugby League.
9. For The Fans Round
Because supporters are the lifeblood of the game, you will be charged $30 for a patch of grass to sit on, $8 for a hotdog, $9 for a lite beer, and $20 for parking. You’re welcome!
10. Games In Asia Round
Every single season an NRL club announces that it will take a game to China or Japan. Of course, this never eventuates, but we will still celebrate the games capacity to not deliver on promises.
11. Full Support Of The Board Round
For all of those coaches who have to try to pull together terrible clubs run by complete morons who then have their jobs in the hands of the same morons. The full support of the board round is also called the Kiss Of Death round.
12. Salary Cap Breakers Round
We celebrate the games capacity to cheat the system with a round dedicated to those clubs who have been caught cheating the salary cap. Other club supporters get to say “My club will never do anything like that” as they wait for their club to be caught cheating the salary cap.
13. Players Should Have Jobs Round
We celebrate idiots that think that fulltime footballers who earn $500,000 a year should spend their week being laborers because somehow that would make them better people. Supporters get to project their own life struggles on young, well off, sportsmen in an effort to feel better about themselves.
14. Passion And Pride Of State Of Origin Round
We focus on garbage like pride and passion for playing State Of Origin and overlook the fact that in 95% of instances, the most talented team wins every single series. We also overlook the recruitment of out of state and overseas players.
15. Fake Nostalgia Round
A bunch of early 20 somethings talk about the good old days when the game was better to watch and you drank beer on the hill while wearing stubbies and over the top mustaches. Also known as “You are not your dad” round and “You are younger than the Warriors” round.
16. International Rugby League Round
We celebrate the international game and focus on places like Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Yorkshire, Lancashire and…well…thats it. We completely ignore the dozens of other nations that actually play the game and pretend people born in and raised in places like Parramatta are from other parts of the world.
17. Referee’s Round
A chance to give thanks to the people that have to keep in like 34 footballers every game that are all trying to cheat, who all make mistakes, and who then blame referee’s for their failures.
18. The Tom Waterhouse Memorial Round
This round is dedicate to Tom Waterhouse, who is far more wealthy than you will ever be and who is an outstanding success story. He also dresses better than you and is fighting off 10’s every single day. This round also is dedicates to those bettering agency representatives that for some reason think they turn into comedians and that anyone likes to hear from them outside of compulsive gamblers.
19. Cliche Round
I’m taking this list one round at a time. I’m just focused on doing the little things right. If I do that, everything else will look after itself. I think if the bounce of the ball goes my way, I’ll end up on the better side of the scoreline.
20. Change All The Rules Round
You love Rugby League, right? Well lets just change all the rules as a way to justify the position of certain people within the game! How about we ask coaches what rules they’d like to change, because surely they would never suggest rules that would benefit their own teams. Maybe we could trot out Warren Ryan again to suggest we play Rugby League games with 11 players, or allow forward passes, or some other garbage that will make you hate the game.
21. Players Earn Too Much Round
Where talentless people who have no capacity at all to do anything anyone cares about at all can attack professional Rugby League players for earning way too much money in a billion dollar industry they are the drivers of.
22. The Sky Is Falling Round
We enjoy the games capacity to take one minor, isolated event, and turn it into the impending death of the entire sport worldwide. A player gets drunk? Thats it, lets just stop playing. A club loses a bit of money? Wind everything up, thats a wrap!
23. Country Rugby League Round
We celebrate country Rugby League in places like Gosford, Newcastle, Canberra and Illawarra. We show vision of dairy farms and sheep shearers as we pretend these places aren’t typical suburbia and about as far from being the “country” as anywhere in Sydney, Brisbane or Melbourne.
24. Mothers Allow Their Kids To Play The Game Round
A round dedicated to mothers who take their kids in and out of the game based upon a million different variables that occur on and off the field. This round is especially for mothers who apparently watch every single game, but who refuse to let their children have anything to do with them game. Also known as “These people don’t exist” round and “Catering to people that hate the game anyway” round.
25. Its Not His Go Round
Dedicated to the players who just have one off bad days and do something really stupid. More than once. But seriously, its not their go and they are really good blokes. You’re just a hater.
26. Rested Player Round
A round where you finally get to see who is the most important player on the best teams as they are rested ahead of the NRL Finals.
So what theme rounds would you like to add to the NRL? You can comment below, or feel free to comment on the League Freak Facebook Page!
A well known Rugby League writer, League Freak has established a reputation among supporters of the game for his fearless commentary and unmatched insight. With a reach that spans both sides of the globe, League Freak has produced an independent network that allows him to distribute content to his many thousands of followers. He is the owner and main author of LeagueFreak.com
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